Leather Pants of Evil

words & music (c)2000, 2001
by Nancy Louise Freeman

em      
She was a slayer with the whole wide world to patrol
A
He was a demon with an angel's heart
        em
She was buff, he was tough, they were out of control

The rain was pourin' down; they got soaked to the skin
         B 
But the morning after was what upset her
              A     
'Cause they should've thought twice 
                     C              D       em
          and they should've known better
          A
Pin the blame on Gypsies if you can
          B                         C        D     em
But it's really the clothes that unmake the man...
[Coming down the runway now, Angelus, wearing the latest offering from Yves St.Germain: the classical black ankle-length duster, here daringly paired with the black cashmere scarf. Underneath, in festive black silk, the semi-tailored shirt - note the contrasting black trim and sassy black buttons, that make this shirt quite the fashion statement, when worn over the traditional, black --] 
A                               em
Leather pants, leather pants of evil
          B                                          em
They come up from behind and mess with your mind somehow
    A                                 C D   A
If you don't wear them, someone more naive will
      B                 B   C  Bb   A          em
When will you learn if you haven't learned by now?

She was the kind of girl that leaves a Watcher distressed
She said the Council didn't treat her right
She went bad, they got mad, she was so unimpressed
The Mayor had a plan, split our friends from within
But they should've guessed the first they met her
They should've thought twice 
          and they should've known better
Before the scene gets too intense
Look out for that fashion sense...
[Well, like so many young people today, Faith thinks that all her problems will disappear if she just had Sarah Michelle Geller's body. Yes, that's right she went on a bubble-bath-taking, arch-nemesis-taunting, boyfriend-stealing spree, all because the Scooby Gang didn't pick up on those --] 
Leather pants, leather pants of evil
They come up from behind and mess with your mind somehow
If you don't wear them, someone more naive will
When will you learn if you haven't learned by now?
[It's a grim day indeed for our friends: Mutant paparazzi are swarming from the sewers of Sunnydale! Faith has clobbered Angel with a hubcap - he's down for the count. Willow has been blindsided by a rampaging bookcase - she's down for the count. Xander and Anya are... down for the count. Adam, Drusilla, and Darla have teamed up with a cadre of overenthusiastic fanzine writers, and to crown the horror, Buffy is having a stupid hair day. But does that stop her, boys and girls? Ladies and gentlemen, does that stop our hero? No! But it does slow her down a bit. It doesn't stop our Buffy because she has to stop the professor of Incredibly Esoteric Stuff at UC Sunnydale before he does something horribly foolish. She battles her way through the crowd of mutant paparazzi, dodging the claws – the fangs – the witty bon mots - She runs up the stairs and flings open the dorr of the office of the professor of Incredibly Esoteric Stuff - Look out loook out look out! But it was too late. He already lit the cigarette.] 
Now down in the town things were gettin' kinda bizarre
Giles was stewin', Spike and Buff were cooin',
And the demon factor was way over par
His expert opinion: it had to be some kind of spell
[Do ya think?]
Well ask the witch in the fuzzy pink sweater
If she should've thought twice 
          and she should've known better
She dropped her spellbook with an "Oy gevalt!
"I did it, but it wasn't my fault!"
It was the..
[OK. I know they're in this trunk somewhere... Eye of newt... No... Quarter candles... No... Buck-and-a-quarter quarter candles... Silver Ravenwolf?! No, wait, there they are at the bottom! It was those --] 
Leather pants, leather pants of evil
They come up from behind and mess with your mind somehow
If you don't wear them, someone more naive will
When will you learn if you haven't learned by now? (2X)

em C     D
                        em C D
You haven't learned by now
                      em C D
They're from an evil cow
                     em
Haven't learned by now

You haven't learned...
em+6
They're evil!